Progress not perfection?

I didn’t even see the front of this sign. I read it backwards as I was running past it today randomly placed haphazardly on the side of the road. It has no business being here, I have no idea why it was here or who put it here, but my first thought was “what asshole would put this here?” Is this to torture struggling runners? Maybe this was supposed to be motivational? Or was it for the runners not having good runs and wanting to give up half way around a lake that you have to finish the whole damn thing to make it back to your car? Why is this person laughing at me? Damn you sign maker!

Perhaps I should start at the beginning. I am normally a positive patty myself. But occasionally life likes to kick me right in the teeth and laugh, so sometimes I have to try to adjust.

Today was an adjustment day. I am out running the LSU campus lakes on a beautiful, windy, hot but ok for Louisiana fall day. I am supposed to hit 6 miles today as my long distance run for the week. I am saying this lightly because I am coming off a horrible week and a half with sick children, multiple ailments, doctors visits and normal chaos that kept me from running at all.

So I have high hopes and even higher expectations.
I start off fast and fine, and I realize by mile 2 this was not going to be a good run. It’s been a while, my knee started letting itself be known, and honestly it was just mental. I just didn’t freaking have my big girl panties on today! I was expecting this run to come so easy for me like my 5 miler did. I pushed through to mile 3 when my confidence started shattering.
I just ran 5 miles without stopping only a week and a half ago. This run today is just pissing me off! I am better than this!
Where is my mental edge today? Where is the girl that tells my brain to shut up and just pump my arms?
(Did I mention I hate young, athletic, young, bouncy, young college girls! Did I mention young? As they are blowing past me on their short run between classes?)
That’s when the sign came up. Mile 3.5. Maybe it was an omen? Maybe it really was left by some positive patty asshole? I don’t know….. But I thought about those words for half a mile. Progress not perfection.

Well damn. The asshole is right! Why am I beating myself up? Of course it’s hard. So what if this 6 miles isn’t coming easy for me. Do I want it to be easy, or do I want to work for it? Regardless of time, or having to take a break and walk for a minute, I’m still going to clock in 6 miles today as long as I don’t freaking quit! Don’t give up! Just push for progress.

So I did. I shut up. I let go a little. I was a bit more kind to myself.
I pushed for progress.
As soon as I backed off of myself and stopped worry about what wasn’t happening, I was able to fully enjoy what was happening.
My last 2 miles were awesome! Although I did have to walk/run that last mile, I still did it. That counts!

I wonder if the asshole that put that sign out knew what they were doing?
Congrats to you, because it worked! It was the mental reminder that I needed to check myself.
I was being the asshole!

Stop beating yourself up.

Progress not perfection!

Tell your brain to shut up, and run!

Why? Why not? Why ask why?

Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? But seriously…. Why am I doing this?

This is my mantra every time I start running again for the first time. It is every run, for at least the first 2 miles…. Sometimes longer.

To answer the question, I really don’t know?
I’m not a good runner, more of a shuffler. I’m not fast (oh, but in my mind I’m a freak of nature and can move!). I don’t place in races, I’m just happy to finish is more my motto. I got a free T-shirt! Woohoo!

But I do consider myself a runner! I do love it! I was never an athlete in school (though I wished I were). I never really exerted myself or pushed myself to see how far I could go.
Running came late for me. After the birth of my first child I started running for fitness (really because I had a baby to get out of the house, so I wouldn’t lose my mind!) and because I was going to try out my first race. At the time I started I thought that “anyone can do it” “this is easy” basically “I got this shit” before I had even laced up my first pair of running shoes.
I remember my very first mile on the treadmill, I was dying at half a mile….. Not just oh, this is harder than it looks dying. I’m talking “good gravy batman! I’m going to fall, or puke, or worse! Am I really this out of shape? Why are my lungs collapsing? It was definitely an eye opener.
It took me months of training, very slowly, to get to the point of running long distance consistently.

My love of running grew when I realized it was me against myself! Isn’t that the best person to beat? There is something truly amazing when you realize that it is just you against yourself. You are not racing the person next to you, they don’t exist. This isn’t a team sport with someone standing at the end of your personal goal slapping you on the ass saying good job. This is about you. This is about you getting up everyday and deciding to dig in, to run farther, to run harder. Check your fastest mile last week and crush it this week! No one else is involved. Just you! And you are freaking awesome!

Personal bests became addicting! I felt elated…. I felt like I was becoming something, someone, and I liked her! I had common interests with other runners. I could talk shoes, and routes like other people talked shop.
I had become a runner! It took me many miles, many years, many goals, but I can finally say I have become a runner. It is now a passion. It is a release. It is a part of me.

So, why do I run?

I do it because I want to! I do it to challenge myself. I do it to push myself and see how far I can go. I do it for the mental strength. I do it to belong to something bigger than myself. I do it to feel raw emotions. I do it to clear my head. I do it because I can no longer imagine not doing it!

I do it because it is in me!